Saturday, December 24, 2011
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Of course that’s when my shit goes horribly wrong.
Kim’s Chicken Tortilla Soup
1 pre-cooked rotisserie chicken
2 cartons reduced sodium chicken stock
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 gloves garlic, minced
1 medium shallot, minced
2 teaspoons cumin
1 pinch crushed red pepper
1 large carrot, chopped
½ cup green onion chopped
1 cup chopped celery
4 small Yukon Gold potatoes, quartered
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can black beans, rinsed and drained
¾ cup corn
Salt and pepper to taste
1 cup cilantro, chopped
1 medium jalapeño
Crushed tortilla chips
In a large stockpot, heat olive oil over medium high heat. Sauté garlic, shallot, cumin and crushed red pepper until translucent. Add carrot, green onion, celery, potatoes and stock. Bring to a rapid boil. Reduce heat, add tomatoes, black beans, chicken and corn. Simmer covered for 30-45 minutes*. Add cilantro, lime, salt and pepper to taste. If you want a spicier soup, add chopped jalapeno. Serve immediately garnished with grated cheese, tortilla chips and sliced avocado.
Makes: a shit ton.
* I am unsure if this is necessary, but it makes me feel like I didn’t cheat so much. It probably gets everything all mixed up and melds flavors and shit. If you don’t have the time just heat through and nom nom nom.
Now, this is a great soup. Dan and I thoroughly enjoyed dinner. After dinner, I got up and went to the bathroom. I am currently menstruating. I washed my hands, did my business and inserted, too much information warning, my o.b. tampon with my finger.
I stood up, too late, I already knew what I did. I cut up the goddamn jalapeno barehanded like a complete dumbass.
Meanwhile, Dan had run to the back of the house because he couldn’t tell what was going on in the bathroom from all the whining, moaning, groaning and whimpers. I ripped the tampon out and danced from foot to foot holding my crotch.
Quotes of note from last night:
“My pussy hurts!”
“Pepper spray is inhumane.”
“Oh my God Dan, what the fuck!?!?!”
He assured me that a warm shower with some soapy action should do the trick. Gladly it did, but I will never, EVER, cut peppers without gloves again.
This was too embarrassing to not share. Remember: I fuck things up and tell you all about it so you can rock it. Now you know the new definition of “fire crotch.” I’m going to update Urbandictionary.com right now.
Until next time, I salute you.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
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Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
HB Iced TeaIngredients:WaterTwinings English Breakfast teabagsTwinings Earl Grey teabagsiceDirections:Brew tea. Pour over ice. Proceed to go insane.. with flavor.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Ranger CookiesFrom Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook1/2 cup butter, softened1/2 cup granulated sugar1/2 cup packed brown sugar1/2 teaspoon baking powder1/4 teaspoon baking soda1 egg1 teaspoon vanilla1 and 1/4 cups all-purpose flour1 cup rolled oats1 cup coconut1 cup raisins, dried cherries, dried cranberries or mixed dried fruit bits.1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F. In a large mixing bowl beat butter with electric mixer on medium to high speed for 30 seconds. Add granulated sugar, brown sugar, baking powder, and baking soda. beat until combined, scraping sides of bowl occasionally. Beat in egg and vanilla until combined. Beat in as much of the flour as you can with the mixer. Stir in any remaining flour. Stir in rolled oats, coconut, and fruit.2. Drop dough by rounded teaspoons 2 inches apart onto an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes or until edges are light brown and centers are set. Cool on cookie sheet 1 minute. Transfer to a wire rack and let cool.